|a typical week|
Months ago one (of the many, many) addiction counselors I talk to pointed out that involved mothers (say ones who had for years been working with school staff advocating for a ADHD child) tended to be the best enablers. Good thing that didn't apply to me I thought smugly; what did she know, 20years in treating addiction? Then yesterday (and last week) my son's Guidance counselor pointed out - very directly - exactly how I was enabling him.
(because swearing just sounds better in perfect fucking French)
I suppose I had to hit my bottom, I thought I was letting him feel the consequences of his choices, but I have been softening the blow (see above list).
"Take away the pain, you take away progress" a quote from my parent's group reading last night. So, I am letting him feel the pain, and it hurts not just him, but me - a lot. So, I will assume this is me making progress - I hope, and that at some point I will let go and learn something and find some peace - I hope. But before that things are going to be painful (see above list) for the whole family.
I am getting better at taking care of myself first, and this month I am going to spend 5 days beside the ocean with a wonderful friend. We are going to see Krishna Das, eat chocolate, see whales, do yoga and basically be artsy hippies.
Mostly I just want to sit by the water.
I can't wait.
|not to scale|