Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Canadian World Domination

Under The Tyranny of The Generals!


Just think how much fun it would be ....
being Dominated by a Canadian....

first the USA

Under Canadian World Domination we find states to be illogical and prefer provinces. The following zones have been renamed to suit Canuck aims.

ZONE I: Laporte Memorial Park (territory) "LMP"

ZONE II: Land Du Beaver (territory) "LDB"

ZONE III: Molson (province)

ZONE IV: Acadia (province)

ZONE V: Kraftland (province)

ZONE VI: Degrassi Jr. Wasteland (province) "DJW"

ZONE VII: Dief The Chief (province) "DTC"

HORTON BAY: This is our man-made reservoir -- we have flooded several former American states to make this majestic watery area. There was no purpose, just cruelty.

ZONE VIII: Littlest-Hobo-Land (province)

ZONE IX: Bombardier (province)

ZONE X: The Hip (province)

ZONE XI: The Trudeau Compound -- this is our man-made penal colony.

Some have suggested that the United States of America be flooded with nuclear radiation and used for soil experimentation instead of wasting time with colonization attempts. The pro-nuke regiment of Canadian World Domination has made a good case, read their reasoned arguments.

then the world....

of course there will alwa
ys be those who just will not understand....

just too be sure...

thought for today

I teach that the multitudinousness of objects have no reality in themselves but are only seen of the mind and, therefore, are of the nature of maya and a dream. ...It is true that in one sense they are seen and discriminated by the senses as individualized objects; but in another sense, because of the absence of any characteristic marks of self-nature, they are not seen but are only imagined. In one sense they are graspable, but in another sense, they are not graspable.


Sunday, March 18, 2007

Never get too friendly with a poet......

From Ear to Quaternity
(a Ruthless and Toothless Production)

by Leanne Handson

(fabulous poet - and not just because she wrote this)
author of "Odd Verse Effects"

Bow down before the Amazing Callooh
Mistress of misery, goddess of gore
Lady of leg humping fantasies blue
Driving us mad with foot flat on the floor

If you’re disturbed (perhaps sick to the core)
Bow down before the Amazing Callooh
Read and prepare to be struck down with awe
(Some say it feels like a dose of the flu)

If you’ve a parrot to spare (maybe two)
Drop by the Bulldog for cheeses galore
Bow down before the Amazing Callooh
Pay your respects to the nut we adore

Nearly the end now, there’s just one verse more
Then you can go back to peanuts and brew
Make sure you’ve done what I got you here for:
Bow down before the Amazing Callooh

Never, get too friendly with a poet....

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I Don't Want Health Care If Just Anyone Can Have It

By Jocelyn Chao

March 7, 2007

As a concerned citizen, I must voice my adamant disapproval of the "universal health care" proposals we've been hearing so much about. I don't have any gripes with expanding and improving health coverage, per se. It's the "universal" part that irks me. Providing health care for all would completely undermine the whole idea of health care. If every last one of the 40 million uninsured bozos in this country is going to get access to the vast, virtually unnavigable system of medical care we chosen few now enjoy, then I no longer even want it.

When hospital administrators see me flash my Blue Cross card, it means something. It tells the world, "Hey, look at me: I pay increasingly high monthly premiums, submit to annual exams, and claim any health-related expenditures over seven percent of my yearly income on my taxes, and you can't." But when this bill passes, they'll be handing out insurance cards willy-nilly, and nobody will be able to tell the difference between someone who's had health coverage for 20 years and someone whose boss was compelled by law to provide it to all full-time employees.

Then again, maybe they'll offer some sort of special Platinum Plus medical card. But I can't count on that.

Health care is all about exclusivity, pure and simple. It's for a group of like-minded people bonded by the dream of only having to contribute a portion of their weekly wages to ensure unfettered access to a number of licensed health care professionals. If we change all that, health care will be about as elite as a public restroom, open to any yokel who waltzes into an emergency room and can legally establish California residency.

Mark my words, this will completely destroy the allure of filling out all the necessary-but-time-consuming paperwork, choosing one primary care physician attached to one specific plan, and becoming eligible for prescription medications at a reduced rate.

The only reason this is even being considered is because a majority of voters want it. Well, of course they do—they don't have it! But you don't see 33rd Degree Freemasons letting any old average citizen into their inner sanctum just because he's curious. And you won't catch me sharing my God-given right to affordable lifesaving medical procedures with every bum who's got a jones for another hepatitis vaccination. It's undignified.

After all, how do I know I've made it in this world if I'm not able to enjoy something others can't?

Lack of access to health care is the seventh leading cause of death in the country, and that says something. It doesn't get much more elite than being part of a club other people are literally dying to get into. So what incentive would there be if everyone were guaranteed equal health care, regardless of income, age, or employment status? Who would be left to proudly tell their grandchildren about the glory days of PPOs? That is a future I'd rather not imagine, thank you very much.

So why the constant desire to guarantee basic yearly screenings and vital operations for all, thus creating some kind of ridiculous, unrealistic safety net? How will people fully appreciate the excellence of the American health care system without the constant threat of it being yanked away at any moment?

If middle-class children are given government-subsidized medical coverage from the beginning, they won't have anything to look forward to when they get older. Though my offspring will never have to worry about desperately trying to scrape together the money for a hospital visit, it doesn't mean we should do away with the millions of other uninsured Americans who show them how privileged they are to have it in the first place.

That's just a simple matter of respect.

I urge all citizens of good sense to reject any universal health care plan that gets put forward. It's time to stand up for what's right, and protect our most respectable institutions. If we don't do it now, what will they tell us next—that everyone deserves a free public education and "the right" to a fair trial?

Monday, March 12, 2007

Sometimes the holidays can be sooo difficult!!!

Area Pagan Dreading Big Family Vernal Equinox Celebration

The Onion

Area Pagan Dreading Big Family Vernal Equinox Celebration

MEDFORD, OR-"There's always some new Church of the Sacred Pentacle Virgin or a cute single witch who they just have to set me up with," lamented 27-year-old Jeff Birch.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

we've come for you liver

MAN: Hello. Uhh, can we have your liver?
My what?
Your liver. It's a large, ehh, glandular organ in your abdomen.
You know, it's, uh,-- it's reddish-brown. It's sort of, uhh,--
Yeah,-- y-- y-- yeah, I know what it is, but... I'm using it, eh.
Come on, sir.
Hey! Hey! Stop!
Don't muck us about.
Stop! Hey! Hey! Stop it. Hey!
Ge-- get off.
What's this, then? Mmh.
A liver donor's card.
Need we say more?
Listen! I can't give it to you now. It says, 'in the event of death'. Uh. Oh! Ah. Ah. Eh.
No one who has ever had their liver taken out by us has survived.
Just lie there, sir. It won't take a minute.

so HAVE you signed your liver donor card??

I've just had a lovely time with so many varied and clever medical personal and equipment, just to be told "your liver's pooped out"..... ah modern science! I'm delevoping a healthy paranoia of phlebotomists and large machines that say, not just ping, but utter a cacophony of bangs, whirs, and bangs.

Ah well, hang on for chapter two this week....