Thursday, March 22, 2012

Just for today

Once again I'm waiting in a coffee shop, but since the weather thinks it's July and it's over 80 outside I'm drinking iced green tea instead of coffee. I'm sure it's much healthier, and I swear its iced tea and not the beer it looks like in the photo. Also, who eats mini doughnuts with beer?!

My big news - I don't have cancer. Which is good, but there is a very small (very crazy) part of me that is disappointed. Like I said crazy, but here's my thinking, if I had cancer I could get a break from being in charge of everything, I'd have the best reason in the world to just focus on myself and the rest of my world would have to step up and start taking care of itself.  I'm that tired. That tired of the juggling, organizing, debating, deciding, driving (driving, driving), and being my family's emotional safe place that the thought of surgery, illness, baldness, deformity, and possible death sound like a vacation.

Very crazy part of my brain.

My more rational self just hired a cleaning woman, and could weep at the gleeming kitchen cupboards, spotless stove and all the bathrooms being clean AT THE SAME TIME. Also, I'm having a doughnut in the afternoon and NOT feeling guilty about it.

This too will pass, and we'll be on to the next adventure. An adventure that will not be anything I'm expecting, and once again I will adapt.

Today I don't have cancer. Today is a beautiful day, and today I can handle what comes my way.  That's how I handle this crazy life I have now, one day, one coffee shop at a time.


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