Friday, June 02, 2006

to hell with 'em

random thoughts on men, pets and my mother

banging your head against the wall
will burn 150 calories an hour
but is not an effective diet strategy

eating a box of meringue cookies is not
an effective coping or diet strategy
(even though they are "fat-free")

banging your head against folded fluffy
white towels while your husband tells you
on the phone at least HIS first priority
is the children burns 0 calories an hour
and is not an effective coping mechanism

there are no effective coping mechanisms
for conversations with my mother after
she helpfully tells me I am too easy
on my kids and she's worried about
"how they will turn out"

my mother emails my soon to be ex-husband,
to let him know she still loves him

divorce lawyers are expensive

I know way too little about men
and way too much about rats

rats can't vomit (see above).

however men CAN vomit -
and were put on this earth to crush my heart into
a small pile of pulp

I don't vomit often,
which is handy because I don't get access to the privy
for more than 1 minute at a time.

my children and pets, however,
vomit, poop, pee, expel snot,
fling all forms of excrement on
a rotating schedule that would impress
The Marines – mostly on articles of
freshly laundered clothing that
I am presently wearing.

this is something I can depend on.

men in their 20's & 40's cannot be depended on.
(holding judgment on 30's & 50's)
this may be unwise since

my judgment with men is not to be depended on.

however, my judgment with flying excrement
is becoming excellent.

there is an obvious conclusion to this,
however, I have no idea what it could be.


Neil Shakespeare said...

I'm a good judge of flying excrement too. I've made a career out of getting out of the way of that stuff. But, dammit, it seems to find me anyway...

Callooh said...

yes, my washing machine wimpers each time I come near...

Gary said...

I can't wait for the obvious conclusion...

Some men can be trusted at any age, but they do need a little maturing to be worth much...

Callooh said...

Gary, perhaps that is true... not been my experence to date, but ya never know.

as for the obvious conclusion, I'm waiting as well.

Anonymous said...

What a great site, how do you build such a cool site, its excellent.

Callooh said...

it's not so cool... but thanks very much!

Anonymous said...

hey Ann...was tooling around and happened upon you here. I hope all is well...or getting better...or becoming is a strange and peculiar journey...I have missed your words and poetry...I had forgotten how they cut to the core and make you feel on such an immediate level...anyway, wanted to say hi...was tickled to see that perceval press link...(wink wink)...G

Callooh said...

G - tooling around were you? he he

hey everything's better (pain, anger, loss, all feelings - at least I'm having 'em now).

I miss your words too - that garden wall... your tulips...

as for the perceval press link - how could I resist that one? ;-)

wink wink yerself....

Anonymous said...

Hi! Just want to say what a nice site. Bye, see you soon.