But Wait, There's More

To Do:

• Yoga class
• Pick up Car
• Laundry
• Pay Bills
• Buy Cat food
• Purchase bulk sizes of feminine hygiene products, condoms, and chocolate

All the while humming Talking Heads......

You may find yourself living in a Pleasant Suburban Town

You may find yourself in another part of your mind

You may find yourself behind the wheel of a fuel efficient automobile

You may find yourself in a hormone filled house, with hormone filled teens

You may ask yourself, what the f*#% have I done?

Letting the days go by, let the hormones hold me down

Letting the days go by,  menstrual flowing all around

Into the loo again, after the pads are gone

Once in a lifetime, menstrual flowing all around

You may ask yourself, where did I park that fuel efficient automobile?

You may tell yourself, this is not my Messy Suburban house

You may tell yourself, these are not my hormone filled teens

Letting the days go by, let the hormones hold me down

Letting the days go by, menstrual flowing all around

Into the loo again, after the pads are gone

Once in a lifetime, menstrual flowing all around

Same as it never was, same as it never was, same as it never was, same as it never was

Same as it never was, same as it never was, same as it never was, same as it never was

Sanity dissolving and sanity removing

There is a little sanity at the bottom of the box

Remove the sanity, carry the sanity

Remove the sanity from the bottom of the box

Letting the days go by, let the hormones hold me down

Letting the days go by,  menstrual flowing all around

Into the loo again, after the pads are gone

Once in a lifetime, menstrual flowing all around

Into the store again, into the girly aisle 

Under the pads and plugs, for the flow that's come around

Letting the days go by, into the girly aisle

Once in a lifetime, menstrual flows all around

You may ask yourself, how do I know that helpful clerk?

You may ask yourself, why do these condoms cost so much?

You may ask yourself, am I sane, or am I gone?

You may hear your neighbour say, 'my god, what has she done?'

Letting the days go by, let the hormones hold me down

Letting the days go by, menstrual flowing all around

Into the loo again, after the pads are gone

Once in a lifetime, menstrual flowing all around

Into the store again, into the girly aisle   

Under the pads and plugs, for the flow that's come around

Letting the days go by, into the girly aisle

Once in a lifetime, menstrual flows all around

Same as it never was, same as it never was, same as it never was, same as it never was

Same as it never was, same as it never was, same as it never was, same as it never was

Time it is aging us, time it is after us

Time it is aging us, time it is sagging us

Time it is aging us, time it is after us

Time it is aging us.....

Letting the days go by, letting the days go by, letting the days go by, thrice in a lifetime

Letting the days go by, letting the days go by, letting the days go by, thrice in a lifetime....

and yes, I knew that helpful teenage clerk, from when he was in public school

and yes, my neighbour with different views on raising teenagers saw my mega box of condoms

and yes, I do drive a fuel efficient automobile, live in a messy hormone filled house, and mumble to myself while buying girl products, chocolate and condoms.

the days go by, the days go by, the days go by.....

dear cupid

a letter with footnotes....

Dear Cupid₁

I wanted to personally₂ thank you for all
the joy₃ you have brought into my life₄
thus far. My high school years were
especially full₅ of your special touch with
an arrow₆. As I grew and matured₇ I came to
realize the unique role₈ that you would play
in my life₉. Every step I took you were
there₁₀. I have certainly been blessed₁₁ by
your love₁₂. It is at this wonderful₁₃ time
of the year that I really feel closest to you₁₄.
So for all₁₅ you have done₁₆ I want to express
my gratitude₁₇ properly₁₈. With a kiss₁₉.

Yours with Love₂₀
R


1 you atrocious nude hooligan
2 meaning up close and quite personal
3 years personal gut-wrenching anguish
4 if you could call it that
5 of scatological moments
6 were you aiming for my forehead?!
7 tried desperately to out run you – you grotty little louse
8 of my private naked tormentor
9 of pain and turmoil
10 shooting barbed arrows in my back
11 I didn’t know Beelzebub did blessings
12 love of inflicting exquisite psychological and physical torture
13 commercially forced-fed sentimental pink drivel
14 hard to miss you with this sharp arrow in my throat – you vile bastard!
15 Every last agonizing…
16 each and every arrow through my head, my back…
17 I purchased a cross-bow
18 so I would watch your spiteful nude arse
19 would you like to know where?
20 here's to snapping your "little bow"

dreams to spare

of course it's 'normal',
part of the 'process'
but after 2 1/2 years, or
30ish months, or
about 9,000 days of
living with someone has several 'regulatory dysfunctions' (doctor's words, not mine)
in his brain
with someone who manifests these 'dysfunctions' with difficult behaviour
(difficult, defiant, dangerous, direful, dreadful, deranged - God how I love a thesaurus - behaviour) 
and even though you have been his only constant parent, and support, his sane, safe place
when he asks you, correction,
when after $4,000 in medical bills - this month,
after hundreds of miles and hours of car trips,
after you've read yourself blind to understand so you can be that sane, safe place
when he screams at you,
from his 17year old ego-bound place
"Do you know what it's like to have to give up on your fucking dreams?!"
for the first time, you can respond like that sane, safe person you work so hard to be,
even after the second and third time,
but eventually what you see is all the parts of you that you did give up,
the parts of you that gave up All of the dreams your 17year old self had,
all the dreams your 25 year old self had, and the dreams
of your 34 year old self, your 41 year old self, and the 48 year old self that is looking
straight into his grief, pain and anger
and as you stand there, with all of the lost dreams wrapped around your throat and your heart,
his and yours, because they are same for you,
will all of the dreams for him and dreams for you that you push aside
day after day after day, after motherfucking day
with all the dreams neither of you will never realize because you're certain you'll be in this hell forever
all your dreams for both of you that you don't even peak at, each, every moment, of you life, right now
because it is easier to pretend you don't want them, than to lose them over and over again,
as you stand there with all of your collective dreams smashed and weeping
on the stupid beige carpet between you
you respond "yes" in a voice that is louder than the sane, safe voice
you tell him "yes" you know "what the fuck it is like", no longer even pretending to be sane,
you tell him "yes" and so does everyone else in the world, and then you pick up new dreams,
and then you suck it up and move on and you do you best, knowing as you hear your voice
that this is not your best,
not by a long shot
but this,
this smashed, weeping, broken person is the best you have to give him
right now
and you toss another dream into heap.