Friday, September 14, 2007

Cat Juggling

There's this scene in one of the Indiana Jones movies - the one with Sean Connery in it - which is why I watched it, (that and I have secret love of large insects, rats and snakes) - where Indiana is going after the Holy Grail.

He of course is only doing it to save dear old dad (aka Sean Connery, and I mean who WOULDN'T want to save him?). He comes to this cliff which naturally drops straight down about a million feet & is completely un-climbable, and at a completely un-jumpable distance (this is including whip rides) across this bottomless pit is another doorway in a similarly unfriendly cliff face. Here, our hero consults daddy's "Grail Journal" and reads something about "a leap of faith" and there is a drawing of a knight stepping off into nothing. Making a face normally observed in the average Frenchman, he steps out into apparently nothing.

(of course there is an "invisible-until-he-steps-glass-bridge", and our hero walks across it)

What does this have to do with cat juggling? Well nothing really, unless your brain functions along the same stalled neuronic system as mine, but I'll have a go explaining. My life right now, is ... uncertain? ... topsy-turvy? ... insane? ... best described with this image: dancing atop a run-away ferris wheel, juggling flaming cats while the lot of us head towards a steep sea cliff which (of course) ends in jagged rocks (at least the water will put the cats out).

So why Indiana Jones? Well there is this bit of writing that I will ruin now by misphrasing it completely because I am too lazy to get off my duff and look it up.

"When you reach the end of all light and step into the complete darkness, surely you will find solid ground, or grow wings and fly" - by .

Okay nice empowering quote, yes? solid ground or wings, sounds great. NOW I will bring back Indiana Jones on that invisible bridge. So he takes the big "leap of faith" with that first step, but is he done? Noooo, he has to keep walking across a bloody invisible bridge (with NO RAILINGS! aarrgghh, give me snakes, murder, rodents of unusual size, but NOT stairways or bridges with out proper railings...), step after step - each another "leap of faith". That's the thing, once you take that "leap" , don't think you're done, oh no, you have to keep walking (or flying -hopefully not into walls, or walking in the dark on "solid ground" -hopefully finding no more cliffs) .

And that's my life right now, one damn "leap" after another, just when I think I can see the bridge, or have figured out flying or stopped smacking into walls in the dark, I have to do it again! So, one day, soon I hope, the ferris wheel, cats and I are going over that cliff - wish us luck...


Gary said...


I haven't dropped by for a while and this and the previous post are a shock. First, I hope you are healing well from the crash. I'm so glad you're breathing and able to write about it.

You're speaking metaphorically, but I sense you have some real challenges and things you're dealing with, as well as perhaps the emotional or pyschological.

I wish I could offer some help. I'm certainly thinking of you. When my life was its own sort of hell last winter, my friend Bonnnie, just kept saying, "You'll get through this. It will get better. The worse will pass."

She was right.

Callooh said...

'this too will pass'

'I am not my life'

these help me - along with some very strong support from friends, and doing things one day (or one moment) at a time.

I just did a speech on my own spiritual practice, and it was fairly schizophrenic, but it works for me. Perhaps I'll post it.

AND I have to write part 2 of my summer.... not fair to leaving things hanging for months!

I'm sorry for your difficulties, I certainly can empathize - that's something good that comes from difficult time, you gain tremendous empathy!

Gary said...

Hope things are well for you. Lighter? Brighter?

Callooh said...

thanks Gary - I miss the interaction here. Yes, things are brighter. I'm mostly healed - still in therapy 3x a week, but I'm doing quite well in it now.

Started a job this week (have to be in for 5am tomorrow), book's almost done... (my son broke his wrist, but hey with three, there's always ONE causing trouble!)

Are you healing? healed?! drop me an email.


Gary said...

Glad to hear things are working well - hope everything (including your son's wrist) comes together.

Not sure I have your email - I'll check my other computer...